Life

When you have to live a decision lifelong, be wise!

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It has been more than a year since I wrote a new blog post. 2018 had definitely been a shift as my previous blog suggested, keeping aside the fact that I didn’t write anything significant, a lot many things have changed positively in my life. After having been away for so long, I finally ‘decided’ to lift my pen and share my thoughts on decision-making (though the topic is more about key decisions that may be taken in a moment but have to be lived for one’s lifetime).

All of us have gone through the process of making a life changing decision and I am sure it must have not been easy for everyone. It could be selecting a suitable course to pursue graduation/post graduation, taking up a particular job or starting a new business or career in general, choosing the right person to marry or deciding not to marry, and more. During initial years of our life, majority of our decisions are taken by our parents. We certainly respect and trust them, however, we may miss out the fact that the decision taken by any individual is on the basis of his or her own capacity of understanding the situation and their own abilities. So when a parent decides that his or her child should become a doctor, no matter the child is capable enough or not, their decision can make or break the child’s life. Similarly, influencing an adult son or daughter to choose a certain person as their life partner can also impact the fate of not just their child but also their partner and the families involved.

I am a fan of this show called as RadhaKrishna (the only thing I watch on TV ardently). Let me share two incidents from Radha’s life and look at how the decisions could have shattered her life and of her family. Krishna who loves Radha immensely and eternally is on a mission to remove all the vices (vikara) inside her. This particular episode relates to helping her free herself from anger. Radha is apparently angry on Krishna because he didn’t acknowledge the fact when Radha shared in front of everyone that she loves him dearly. He simply said that his love for Radha is different than hers (she was still under the influence of moha/attachment). This angers Radha and she keeps fuming by not just the sight of Krishna but even thoughts about him. Her father under someone’s influence decides to let Radha get married and save his face in the society before something goes wrong with Radha & Krishna. She is shown a suitor who appears to be well mannered, adjusting as well as obedient. Radha only looked at his external self and more importantly to be revengeful of Krishna, gave in to her parent’s request of getting married to Vyomesh. Krishna gets to know that Vyomesh is none other than Vyomasura, an asura sent in disguise by Kansa to abduct Radha and attack Krishna. Krishna takes the form of a Gopi and gets closer to Radha while she prepares for her engagement with Vyomesh. He tries to help her assess her decision with clarity but she is adamant on seeing Krishna in pain when she marries Vyomesh. She does realize certain things and wants to back off from her marriage after the failed engagement ceremony but she isn’t able to gather courage to speak to her father whom she had given a promise to marry the person of his choice and fearing the damage in his reputation as mukhiya of Barsana. On the day of her marriage, Krishna finally reveals it to her the real identity of Vyomesh, who then attacks Krishna when he learns that it is him in the form of Gopi. The entire village including Radha’s parents witness the asura swaroop of Vyomesh and when he is killed, they take a sigh of relief that Radha was saved for life. Their decision of getting her married to the decent looking individual, Vyomesh was wrong.

I will cite an example of my personal life, although it didn’t result in a wrong decision. Almost 3 years ago, I got in touch with a matrimonial prospect whose family had approved of me (yes, for the boy to be eligible to speak to the girl, he has to first go through a screen test telephonically and physically by her parents). Thankfully, they allowed me to talk to her over the phone. We spoke for about a week or so and they had plans to arrange for the second round of meeting, this time including the girl herself. I had a pleasant telephonic conversation with her and there was no reason for me to not go ahead with the next meeting. However, I decided to not meet her. The reason was simple, I did not feel a connection with her, despite she being a polite, well mannered and an intelligent girl. I was told by my parents and close relatives that there is no harm in meeting the girl, one should not reject without having seen someone in person. I respected their views patiently. I had shared my decision quite honestly with the girl and she had politely agreed to it. We stayed in touch as friends having best wishes for each other.
However, after a year or so, I happened to visit the city where this girl lived. She was still single and so came in this request of family to meet her once. I decided to give it a shot and met her twice in a span of a couple of days. This girl had no flaw or any virtue or behaviour of her for me to say NO and this time my family had also met her and found her to be really nice. I always had and still have immense respect for her, but I decided to not take it ahead because the bottom line of connection was missing between the two of us. Some of you can argue that connection happens with time and it is foolish to let go someone who ticks all the checkboxes in your list. But my decision to have a certain connection with someone to get married to, remained intact.

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Second incident from Radha’s life, this is the ongoing episode where her father meets an accident and is bed ridden due to conspiracy of someone close. It was Kansa’s plan to get him killed but when he didn’t die, he wants Radha to fall in a trap, so that he can attack her in order to take away power of Krishna, because Radha is Krishna’s shakti. Kansa calls upon mukhiyas of all the villages to meet him or he will increase their taxes. Krishna gets a hint of it and cautions Radha to not take up mukhiya’s position in absence of her father. However, Radha’s father under the spell of bad forces in his half awakened state, instinctively hints at calling her Radha Rani when the conspirators ask him to choose the next mukhiya to meet Kansa. Radha gets emotional, thinking that she can’t disobey her father and will act as per his wishes to be the saviour of their village. She seeks Krishna’s help, who refuses to do so stating that it is his job to stop her from becoming mukhiya as she is not ready for it and if she does so, there are chances of her life getting into trouble. Radha then decides to stick to her father’s wish and gets crowned as the head of the village. What happens next will be revealed next week but the underlining thought here is that even after getting warned by her beloved Krishna, whom she trusted like no other, she gave in and took an emotional decision.

Talking about my personal life, when I completed 12th science, I had to take the decision of choosing the stream of education for bachelor’s degree. Unfortunately, I was the first one in the family to take up science education and there wasn’t much of a guidance to look forward to. When I was asked by my parents, I told them I want to pursue business education later on, probably an MBA and then start my own venture (saying something like this to the family of bankers wasn’t easy but thankfully my parents were all ears for me). Some guidance from here and there led to the conclusion that mechanical engineering plus MBA is the best recipe for success. I took up mechanical engineering and even though after 15 days or so, I had a chance to switch to Computers and my parents asked me if I wanted to do so, I stuck around with my decision to pursue mechanical (I don’t know what motivated me in the class of all boys while the scene was different in Computers 😁). It turned out to be a wrong decision for me because gradually I realized that mechanical wasn’t my cup of tea and I desperately wanted to finish the degree. I started preparing for CAT and other competitive exams early on and scored more than 90%ile in each one. To cut the story short, I did take up business entrepreneurship education and happily graduated with silver medal. (Don’t ask me the name of the entrepreneur who put on that medal on me at the convocation ceremony at EDI😬). However, the business idea with which I lived my 2 years during PGDM didn’t materialize as I realized that F&B business wasn’t meant for me when I worked in the field and met many restaurateurs. Finally, I did start a venture of my choice in the internet domain, which apparently had to close down in a span of 18 months and later on I ventured into the field of digital marketing. I have since then been more in touch with my friends from Computer engineering & understand their work better as compared to mechanical. Wrong decision to choose mechanical took me quite a few years to walk towards my calling of getting into IT & ITES industry.

The point I wanted to make by citing the above mentioned examples from my personal life and the mythology is that one has to be wise before taking a decision which will have a lifelong impact. Thankfully my parents have always shared their opinion but never forced anything upon me. I have taken decisions based on my understanding of the situation and my capabilities. I might have failed early on but I didn’t give in by making decisions based on pleasing my family or getting emotionally attached to it.

You can and you should always look at a situation from different angles, listen to opinions of your family members & experts, carefully list down the pros and cons and then ultimately listen to your heart before taking the decision. For listening to your heart, you need to slow down a little and practice mindfulness. You should always aim at being authentic i.e. being true to yourself and consider options that are aligned to what’s truly important for you. Remember that fear is a product of mind and love of heart. Love takes you in the direction of truth while fear deceives you. Your decisions should come from the space of love and not fear. Finally, this is something I have learnt recently, before taking a decision, one must fully & genuinely surrender to the higher power or the God you have faith in. When you say, ‘Shri Krishna Sharnam Mamah’ and take the decision, you let Him guide you leaving aside your ego and when He holds your hands, the path aligns to your life’s purpose! 🙂

So, even if you have taken a decision of choosing a particular stream of education due to parental pressure, you can always be bold to drop out and start afresh in the stream of your choice. Similarly, you can ditch that lucrative job which pleases your family, relatives & friends and start your own food truck if that’s what your heart desires. You can politely fight against your family who doesn’t want you to take up a job at all but wants you to be imprisoned inside the cage of your home. You can still be genuine to yourself, your fiancé, both the families and call off marriage even after getting engaged to an amazing man who ticks the checkboxes in everyone’s list but doesn’t click on your heart button. In the end, it is your life and when you take its ownership, you have to take decisions wisely! May Lord give strength and wisdom to each one of us to take decisions in alignment with our calling.😊😊

P.S. Thank you for taking time out to read a long post. Your feedback/suggestions will be appreciated 🙂

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